Chapter 1:

Year 2000:  Coimbatore

The routine was the same.

Like every other day in the six-month training life, I walked towards the distant glimmer of lights which seemed to sway left and right synchronizing with my pace.  The vast unending harvested corn field with the dark soil beneath the feet gave little guiding light to move on, but the small pen-torch was doing its job well enough, opening a narrow tunnel of light for me to walk on.  With the slight December breeze making contact with sensitive young skin, heavy solitude hung around me, making the mind wanting and longing for a friend.. rather, a girlfriend.

From deep within, the wish for a female friend has been forcing itself out for past few weeks, especially since coming to this campus.  Everyone in office had an opposite gender friend; somehow, my slender dark silhouette was invisible to the female crowd out there.

Mind was regaining its normal peaceful self after an infatuated relation with a neighbour girl back in home town, which had ended with some sparks and cracks.  It was then this job opportunity came out of the blue and I decided to move two-hundred kilometers away from the circumstances that sometimes made a war with my peace.  It was a good move in every aspect, and the most relieved ones were parents, who lived a worried life seeing my constant depressed demeanour at home.  So, decision was made against an otherwise good academic future, in favor of an immediate job in Coimbatore, as a medical transcriptionist.  The post graduation course was scrapped, and bags were packed with not much of a thought.  The only priority was to escape into a mentally unpunishing weather, and the transition seemed to do the job.. almost.

It was a pretty big campus, built by the cotton industry tycoon named Swami from neighboring state, at the initial stages of IT revolution in India, converting around five hundred acres of corn and sugar cane fields into a beautiful IT campus.

I still remember the very first day of stepping inside the huge iron gate, on which M.G.I.S.L was written in big golden letters.  I stood there open-mouthed beside my dad, knowing little that what waited inside was even bigger; the huge white coloured one-acre spanning rectangular office building, the alcoves of which held my future.  Now, all those have become part of daily life.

The first real problem was arranging accommodation, which was solved by joining two similar fated keralites, both of them elder to me at least by a difference of five years.  Because of the same age difference, I started addressing them as “anna” which is a local slang for elder brother, mainly used in Tamil Nadu which is where we all were destined to settle for an unknown time into future.  Thus, Robert anna and Raj anna became part of my life.

Robert was a pure devotee of Jesus.  He was thrown out of his house for the sin of loving and marrying own cousin sister.  After losing his Job as a teacher, he decided to come in search of a better job here.  Whenever I have seen him at home, a string of beads in hand and a silent prayer on lips were his constant companion.

Raj.. was the serious one among the two.  About him, the first thing that caught my attention was the number of medicine pills he consumed every day before sleep.  Curiosity made me ask him what are those pills for, and Raj just extended an empty sachet and asked me to read the name of the drug written on it.

It read “Clozapine.”

Raj told “Okay.. now you go to office and refer in the drug dictionary tonight, and let me know in morning.”

Why couldn’t he just tell me straight, I thought.  Anyway, I decided to find it out that night, and I did.

The drug dictionary told “Clozapine – An antipsychotic drug taken for mental disorder Schizophrenia.”..!

Had never heard about schizophrenia in theory classes.  Google was just two years old and most of the search results ended up being incomplete or incoherent.  In the training floor, all the computers did not have Internet access too.  The only one which had Internet, was near the trainer who sat there as a watch dog.

Arulmozhi, who sat two cubicles away, was a half doctor.  A very knowledged but lazy guy who came to make some easy money, leaving few papers of his MBBS degree for later completion.  He is a sure shot to throw some light on schizophrenia, but the guy always moves around with a lean white girl who is stuck to him just like the chewing gum in his mouth.  I will have to wait till she moves away for some time.

One hour later, during the tea break, saw Arulmozhi ordering for a puffs and coffee in the snacks bar.  The chewing gum was nowhere to be seen.  Might have gone to the rest room.

My feeble “hi” fell in deaf ears.  Another “hi” might cost me my dignity if he doesn’t respond.  A malayalee guy who is brought up in regular surroundings does not get along in a metropolitan culture very easily, until he learns its specific rules.  Here, I had to be shameless or rather bold, ignoring the consequences of a rejection and focussing on the goal, that is to get an answer to my question, and so I went again..

“Hi Arul.. can I talk to you for a moment?”

He turned and with a big smile, which surprised me and instilled a gush of confidence, told..

“Hey man.. why not?  But what a surprise.. you really talk..!!  I have never seen you talk much to anybody.”

By then, his chewing gum came and stuck to him with a wide grin and added.

“What’s happening here boys?”

Thus started the midnight round table discussion, over a puffs and tea sponsored by them, clearing my doubts about schizophrenia.

Schizophrenia is what some people call “madness” in lay terms.  The subject loses ability to distinguish between real and unreal.  They see what others don’t see, they hear what others don’t hear, and sometimes they become aggressive too.  Urinating in bed, sleep walk, thoughts and talks that others cannot comprehend, oozing saliva from mouth are common symptoms.

The drugs like Clozapine are used to keep a control on and calm down an otherwise hyperactive brain.  More severe the disease is, more dosage of antipsychotics the patient will need to take.

As I sat silently there listening to the details, I was becoming a punctured balloon, slowly losing confidence.  Raj takes so many pills, which means his disease is severe.  What will happen if he runs out of medicine.

“What happened to you.. anything wrong?”  chewing gum asked.

“No. Saw a mention in a book and just wanted to clarify.”

I stood up to leave.  Head was revolving around the thoughts of going back to the same house tomorrow morning, where a schizophrenic patient was my roommate.

***